


i'll never love again

by oyabun



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Arranged Marriage, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Super fluffy in the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 06:10:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20791928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oyabun/pseuds/oyabun
Summary: “Are you going to tell him?” Edelgard glances at the top of her lashes at her friend, her voice turned gentle.Hubert’s hand disappeared into the pocket of his coat to feel the golden band inside. His fingers fiddled with the ring, feeling the smoothness and how the ring did not fit his own finger, suited for fingers that were smaller and slimmer.“I have to wait for a good time to break the news to him.”





	i'll never love again

Ferdinand is tired. He’s been away from his home for two weeks and all he wants is to cuddle up in his boyfriend's arms and sleep for 40 hours as he held him. He yawned as he entered the palace doors, preparing to have an audience with Edelgard before he could pass out from tiredness. 

He opened the double doors to the throne room, tired eyes blinking before his whole mood changed. The noble noticed a tall man with dark hair beside the empress and immediately started running towards the two figures. 

“Hubie!” Ferdinand ran up to him. Hubert was standing with Edelgard talking about something quietly, but upon seeing his face Hubert turned to him, open enough that Ferdinand could jump at him and smother his face into his neck so that’s exactly what the orange haired man did. 

He launched himself at Hubert and let Hubert catch him, only stumbling back a little from the force. Ferdinand clung on when Hubert wrapped his arms around his thighs as they cling around his hips. 

“Hello sweetheart, welcome back.” He heard Hubert say with a gentle voice and it felt like home to him. Ferdinand slid off him so he could get a good look at his boyfriend. He stared openly, his boyfriend still as handsome, dark and broady as always. Just perfect, the way he liked it. 

Ferdinand buries his head into Hubert’s chest again as he felt him gently pat his hair, stroking it and gently caressing the back of his neck. Amber eyes looked up at him and kiss his cheek. He loves the affectionate nickname. 

Hubert kisses his cheek in return and it continues as they exchange kisses. Hubert kisses the crown of his head as he hugged his boyfriend again. 

Edelgard who was watching the whole exchange coughed into her fist. “Welcome back Ferdinand. I hope you had a good trip to Brigid with Petra.” 

“It was good. The land was very different and exciting, but I missed being home.” Amber eyes locked with gold ones as he said the last piece and Edelgard felt like she was going to gag from the amount of sap in the room. 

Hubert notices, and only strokes Ferdinand’s hair and sneaks a kiss to the crown of his head when Edelgard had her eyes closed, rubbing her temple as she felt the oncoming headache. 

“Right. We’ll catch up another time. Hubert?” Edelgard gave Hubert a pointed look and the mage understood. Hubert lets go of his boyfriends waist and gently tilts his chin up to kiss his lips. Ferdinand's face burned no matter how many times they’ve kissed before. 

“Go rest. I’ll be back soon.” Hubert gave him a small affectionate smile, the one that was tailor made for Ferdinand. The couple had been together for five years, through thick and thin Hubert and Ferdinand had been through everything. Hubert had learnt over the years his different smiles and Ferdinand was the only one this smile was ever for. 

The orange haired noble knew this and he loved that smile with all his heart. He swoons at how attractive his boyfriend is before turning away from them. There’s a slight skip in his step when he leaves the throne room to return to their shared room. 

After a moment when definite silence fell over the two figures, Edelgard speaks up. The empress doesn’t look at him, but she’s still looking at the door Ferdinand left through. 

“Are you going to tell him?” Edelgard glances at the top of her lashes at her friend, her voice turned gentle. 

Hubert’s hand disappeared into the pocket of his coat to feel the golden band inside. His fingers fiddled with the ring, feeling the smoothness and how the ring did not fit his own finger, suited for fingers that were smaller and slimmer. 

“I have to wait for a good time to break the news to him.” 

Edelgard nods and pats Hubert’s shoulder. “Please, stop taking your time Hubert. It has been years, and I think it’s time for you to settle down as well. We’re not growing any younger. Time is not stopping for us.” 

“Yes, Lady Edelgard.” 

\--

When Hubert decides to tell Ferdinand, the orange haired noble was snoozing on the couch in their living room, the sunlight penetrating through the tall windows onto the couch. His hair all sprawled out and his calm sleeping face. Hubert sat on the chair beside the couch and threaded his fingers through the wavy hair. 

He loved Ferdinand so much. His heart felt full when Ferdinand would look at him like he was the only person in the world for him. But he had a duty towards Lady Edelgard and she would always come before his own happiness. 

Ferdinand moaned as he got up, stretching and rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. “Hubie?” he sat up allowing Hubert to sit beside him. 

“Taking a cat nap in the sun?” Hubert gently moved stray hairs away from the nobles face and kissed his temple. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’m alright. I missed you.” Ferdinand smiled as he leaned into his touch like an affectionate cat.

“Ferdinand. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” Ferdie yawns behind his hand and snuggles closer to Hubert. His head rested on Hubert’s chest when and relaxes under his touch when Hubert breaks the news to him. 

“Lady Edelgard has set up a meeting for me to meet a noble from a land past Brigid. If things go smoothly, we may be wed for the benefits of the empire.” Hubert felt Ferdinand become still in his arms. Slowly the Aegir moved away, hand still holding onto his own in a tight grip. 

“What?” Ferdinand looked at him, searching and scanning his expression for answers. The look of worry and desperation didn’t look natural on Ferdinand’s face. It wasn’t a look that Hubert liked seeing on Ferdinand either. “Edie...you...what?” 

Hubert eyes travelled to look at their intertwined hands. He was quiet as he rubbed circles into the back of Ferdinand’s hand with his thumb, watching the contrasting difference of their hands. He always thought after a while, he would have served Lady Edelgard beside Ferdinand and they would get married when everything settled down. They’ve been together for so long, Hubert could not picture himself or Ferdinand with someone who wasn’t each other. 

“House Vestra has always been protecting House Hresvelg. I’ve been appointed to marry-”

“Hubie...I understood the first time.” Ferdinand shook his head as he listened to Hubert. He was looking at Hubert’s face, who refused to face him. He watched gold downcast eyes unable to face him as he broke the news to him. “Why didn’t you say...no?” Ferdinand asked, his voice surprisingly gentle despite the situation. 

“Because my life is for Lady Edelgard. I’d do anything for her.” Hubert hung his head in shame. Ferdinand felt tears prick at his eyes. He didn’t think this was going to happen. Edelgard knew Hubert and himself were in a relationship, but somewhere in the corners of his mind he always knew this was going to happen, but for some reason he couldn’t believe it as it unfolded itself.

Ferdinand was in shock. He didn’t know what to say or feel. The emotions filled him and flooded him, so he said the only thing that was in his mind at the moment.

“I love you Hubert.”

Hubert looked at him in shock. Tears dripped from Ferdinand’s eyes as he looked down at their intertwined fingers. “I love you, I always will.” he squeezed Hubert’s fingers as his sight began to blur from the tears. He felt his voice become shaky, but he controlled it enough to get his point across. “Even if we cannot be together, I’ll still love you.”

“How could you, even after I told you I’d have to leave you.” Hubert tilted his chin up to look at him. Ferdinand looked at the mage through his tears. “I expected you to have slapped me across my face and hated me forever.” 

“I would have wouldn’t I.” Ferdinand let out a shaky laugh. His grip on Hubert’s hand squeezed, softened and repeated as he tried to get through the conversation. “But this is how I feel. I don’t think I can love anyone in this lifetime again, the way that I loved you.”

This time tears slipped from Hubert’s eyes. Ferdinand’s raw feelings crashing into his own like rough waves. “Ferdinand, I love you.” Hubert said quickly as he practically smashed his own mouth onto Ferdinand’s, which made the other noble laugh through their tears. 

Ferdinand wrapped his arms around Hubert’s shoulders as he laughed into the kiss. Hubert pulled him closer by the waist. His hands travelled to tangle itself in Ferdinand’s hair and the other on the small of his back as they kissed. They met in a passionate mess, full of overflowing emotions of anger, sadness, grief. Ferdinand couldn’t find it in himself to hate the man no matter what. 

The couple pulled apart, looking at each other for a moment. 

“Was that goodbye?” Ferdinand smiles through his tears and Hubert thinks even with his eyes red from tears, he still looked so beautiful. Hubert gently strokes Ferdinand’s silky hair and brings him closer onto his lap. The noble leans against him, tears still dripping, but his expression was so kind, that it hurt Hubert even more. 

Hubert felt worse at the fact that Ferdinand was so understanding. He would have felt better if Ferdinand would just scream and shout, accuse him of being a selfish person and a selfish lover. But here he was sitting beside him, as lovely as ever despite the tears dripping from his eyes and the deepening frown on his face as he bit his bottom lip to keep it from quivering. 

He really was such a lovely person. Hubert felt so lucky to have been able to love him, even if it was just for a short time. He knows he will always remember gentle touches during tea, the soft kisses waking him up to a new day, how gorgeous his hair looked under the light of sunset. He will never forget the first love of his life. 

“I’ll wait for you. Just tell me and I will.” Ferdinand gently cups Hubert’s face, his thumb gently wiping away the stray tears. “No matter how long it takes. Just say the word, and I will.” 

“I can’t do that to you. You deserve so much better.” Hubert leans in to kiss Ferdinand again. He kisses both his eyelids and chuckles when he hears Ferdinand start hiccuping. He watches as Ferdinand closed his eyes and looked away, unable to control his expression as he cries harder, mouth open to hiccup and sob. The noble covers his face with his gloves so Hubert didn’t have to see his ugly expression as he cried.

“Sweetheart, I love you.” Hubert kissed the top of his head as Ferdinand buried himself into the nape of his neck, hiding his red face and red eyes. He probably looked so ugly at that moment and he didn’t want Hubert’s last memory of him to be him as a disgusting mess.

Ferdinand got off Hubert’s lap, face wiping away the tears and pulling himself back together for Hubert. “Thank you... for the past five years.” he said as he collected himself, wiping away the last of his tears. “It was amazing to be with you.” he offered a smile Hubert’s way and Hubert gave him the affectionate smile that was always only directed at him. 

“Thank you as well. I feel like I have learnt that I was capable of loving someone.” Hubert brought Ferdinand’s hand into his own and gently kissed his knuckles. The mage too wiped away the last of his tears and got off the couch. Ferdinand let his hand slip out of his as he smiled. Hubert turned away from him and proceeded to make his way to the door. 

Ferdinand’s eyes didn’t follow him. He looked out the large glass windows, letting the sunlight shine onto him as he felt the tears returned to his eyes. As Hubert opened the door, he looked back at Ferdinand. His hair shining so brightly under the mid-afternoon sun, still as beautiful as ever. Hubert smiled sombrely, thinking to himself how closing this door would mean closing the door of their relationship, before letting himself linger a while. He closed the door gently with a click.

**Author's Note:**

> I have ptsd whenever I think about Hubert saying "If it would benefit her in some way for me to marry, then yes, I would marry" when Dorothea was like "If Edie commanded you to find yourself a suitable wife, would you do it?" in their C support 
> 
> Anyway enjoy the angst!! There's more angst if you're following my other work 'for the empire' : ) ) ) I love Ferdibert I swear


End file.
